Walking down shelves of tickets to great imagination, i found out what i anticipated my hands to grab hold of isn't in the regular preference today. I scanned through Pualo Coelho.. Nicholas Sparks, Dan Brown, David Baldacci and it just weren't the same. Like that part of obsession is over. Instead i'll flip through Marley and me kind of novels. The ones with the big 'W' and ends with a G or those with a dog on the cover where you fall inlove with the animal and it has to go in the end. Then right before that section seeps into your mind you remember to prepare a packet of tissue beside you. Yeah, that's for me.

So back to my life blanket by dreams. 2 days ago was my last at the Spa. Goodbye 9 hours of essential oil! I am.. quite.. relieved. Its not bad bad. It was actually a make-over experience. I get free this free that. And i'm late almost all the time and i still get free coffee. Well, its just 'not for me'. I mean.. i like how they use machines/tools/hands to create beauty but i'm more to brushes and pencils. So.. i decided to restart and join the rest of the kids in the yellow school bus with $20 in my wallet. I am way behind time and i think i saw a line or two near my eyes. Alan Herman said he's getting old when he couldn't remember the guy at their departure. I said i have forgotten where i placed my exams certificates. x

Sometimes we walk.. with the possibility, that around any corner, at any time, may come the person/thing who reminds you of your own capacity to surprise yourself. Who reminds you that what seems to be - even about yourself - may not be. I walked into one. One which would stirr up a memory or two. Which you would either shirk it off with a frown, telling yourself no.. this ain't worth remembering or better, God has let it happened for a reason. Or one which you'll recipocrate in surprise: "You're back. I'm back. We're home again. I know you." (I go for the second) Now you're on your flower-speckled bed, looking at the beautiful butterfly effect you grin like a chesire cat, you then finally abandon the literal definition of sleep to dream. You've stumbled upon a real dream.

I know nothing about the stars, the moon, the dream that is phallically enamated from it. But i do know dreams from the sky to the bottom of the volcano. I dreamt my whole life. When was it that dreams really do come true? And when it does, you suddenly become a 5yr old whose luck got you a little stray bird in your palms and you don't know how if you should compress the diameter of your cage-hand a little more so that it won't escape while thinking if it could last breathless just 5 storeys high into a proper home. So the ending was pain. And now you have this fear of even having it right infront of you.

Now you tell yourself, it all happens for a reason. People might just give you that bullshit look because that just makes you feel better. But the whole point is. It does. So i use it alot(recently) when my singtel mail arrives. If only i could always see the biblical phrases as not naked adam and eve but humans who sees embarressment as aliens. Then maybe my stepdad's "senile" appearence at home could have a reasonable explanation in another 3 yrs maybe? Though its been 17 yrs.

But above all, following God's metorphoric preachings is the safest. Meaning, have Faith.

Hi 20.

So it looks like i'm spending the morning of my birthday listening to I'm Scared by Duffy. Or blogging, rather.

But i am nowhere near to pouring words through my fingers. I mean, i wrote the above, but i took 5mins of each. I go with the snail. Maybe that's why.. what i see is everything thrown to the wind. I can't complain, though. I hadn't fix my next pebble on my pebble pathway. I took a 2 years break and now i'm here with zero brownie points. I decided that this year i'll polish it brand new. That means looking for a job after i'm done with this. I should be stopping the current one this week. (Great news i know!) You have been patient:)

Okay back to the annual occasion! I received 2 enormous gifts from Daniel. Its not huge but it just seems big big. Big that my small hands felt smaller. Thank you thank the big thank pizzas thank the colors on my hair thank the bday song! Noon would be the beach.. then church and then.. 11p.m would be le love-beyond words.

Time for the bigggg.
x

Someone told me..

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud que de nos chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore,
C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore.
Serais ce possible alors ?

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout
Parais qu'le bonheur est à portée de main,
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit ...

Untitled

And tonight, she's taking chances, making memories out of what she has. Throwing caution to the wind, it feels so good to leave it all behind. Here's to being young and beautiful.

L'amour?

2 middays ago on the bus, i drafted on my cellphone about love. Ridiculous subject to ponder about but with Quelgu'un m'a dit playing in my ears? Quite possible..

This is what i wrote: You are either the type of person who sees clouds as a procreator of rain or as rolls of rolls of mint-flavoured candy floss. Just like you would see hurt as a bag of pain wrapped under 3 words of comfort; this is life. Or you divide them into i cry, i hurt, i heal. Hurt and love is synonymous. You can never see love without needles, hurt without the leeching love. And so i realised i didn't know how to define love. One day, my colleague asked: "describe love for me." So i search through my internal quotes column and only came up with.. "Love is.. Love.. must.. have passion.." Shit. Where did my life's notes over the years went? I was desperate. So i picked the one closest to my lips, the famous love quote from A walk to remember. Pathetic.. i know.. I need to rewrite.

I thought of my first love. Weren't it? I could only doubt-less that the first cut is the deepest. But love? How would you know if its true? And true love? its ever-lasting isn't it? And you then might even rejoice by singing Survior's- the search is over. Or maybe love has always been beside you but yeah.. blinded. Well.. I might be on my way.

Black Cherry

"How can it be?
I can taste you now
How can I see
When you're everything
All my world in one grain of sand
And I've blown it
All my world in one grain of sand
And you own it.....

Black Cherry
Black Cherry

....Hearing you say it
I could die"

(Black Cherry, Goldfrapp)

Polaroid

Mid February

Love
Grow

Reach
Experience

Feel
See
Wish
Believe
Live
Dream
Change
Beauty

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested, that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist. Somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief ... and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."
- One Tree Hill

I promised myself to write soon but i never could or did till tonight. My world has become the aftermath of a minor earthquake. But up is still up, down is still down. A book is still a book, and an owl is still awake at this hour. Just yesterday, was the first time i sat for a christian funeral. It was my Aunt Veronica's. I had to wear a black formal dress. So says my dad. I started looking around the big house to pick on those not wearing one.. I was desperate. I couldn't take all the painful black. Its like you becoming a blackbird and that you can only fly in blackness. But this part of life, taught me faith. How it really feels, when ur wearing it on ur skin, then just on ur clothes.

Aside from that, work is like a careless painting of colors. And in that painting.. lies 3 cold colors.. which its not worth keeping them in the picture. You'll change it right? I would. So.. goodbye to ice! To soothe, i'll be having my baptism on the 11th of April to be distracted with. I am still fretting over my list of sins. Which should be confessed first.. the least worst? or the worst worst? This should be exciting!

Well.. time to dream a little dream of love;)

Dream

I was a little girl alone in my little world
who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees,
and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me,
God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey.
I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well,
there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now,
I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

About me

I am sitting here in the living room, ramnants of my make up still surviving, talking to Franco about humans to ghosts to the moon. Its such a cold night, i abandoned the fan about 2 hours ago. But I wish there was snow. It would be lovely, to stand on blended ice with a camera on my mittened hands. Yet. Another dream. I should name my blog dreamland. Should i? But my dreamland won't be like alice's. There would be drizzle, anomalies, lakes.. so they say, water is the catalyst for a pisces's smile. I should try to change the subject of Collette and her bag of destinations yet to reach. Like now i am navigating through jobs webland. I am deprived of what i like to do. I hope to stumble upon anything to do with art. Speaking of art i really love the works of Courtney Brims;





List 10 things I LOVE, 10 things I DON'T LOVE
and 5 random things about me.

Love

Coffee
Lingeries and perfume
White
Art Exhibitions.
changing my nail color twice a week
Travel
Cameras.
Murder the dancefloor
The fridge when there's sushi
Reading.

Don't Love

Oysters.
Waiting around for public transport.
Cold shower.
Sound of crickets
lazy conversations
Wondering away too much with my mind
heels (lovehate relationship)
Game of love
When coco begs for food
Tomato

Random

I like swans.
I eat more than 1 polky sticks at a time.
"jinx! you owe me a soda!" Jinx what? where can i get soda?
I can't light a lighter.

I'm left handed.


I tag...

Valeria
Lei-leigh
Nicola

Night entry

Hy.
I meant to write. I always meant to write. But the days, they get in the way, and the nights get packed with food and diaries. My bones says: "sleep, pls sleep" Just awhile longer, bones. You can wait. A number of times i find my fingers scrolling left right.. right again, through my ipod looking for something i had a craving for. But now its always that very song that flows into my ear. i wonder...


“People have stars, but they aren’t the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they’re nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they’re problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you’ll have stars like nobody else.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you look up at the sky at night, since I’ll be living on one of them, since I’ll be laughing on one of them, for you, it’ll be as if all the stars are laughing. You’ll have stars that can laugh!”
And he laughed again.
“And when you’re consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you’ll be glad you’ve known me. You’ll always be my friend. You’ll feel like laughing with me. And you’ll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it… And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you’re looking up at the sky. Then you’ll tell them, ‘Yes, it’s the stars. They always make me laugh!”
- Le Petit Prince



I added a dove. Dove makes me happy.

Foolish game

The game of love.. is like a duo dancing. You take a step forward, then ur partner moves back a step. When your partner forward his step, you then go backwards one step. When one or both gets tired, that's when the game ends.. or it means leaving you to dance alone.

dream bedroom

http://www.zarahome.com

Faith and Morrie

Rides.. I can take long rides. Picking a secluded spot so that i can pretend my existence was dust. Either sinking into my book or scrolling through my ipod looking for something that suits. There. From this moment always comes into my head. Facebooked into mine by Faith.. The only song that makes a heart beat like a heart. I miss her. So much.

Tuesdays with Morrie. I haven flipped more than 5 pages of the book. Yet its like i knew the front and back of it. Morrie was Faith. If in a non-fiction tale. Morrie says without love, we're birds with broken wings. Faith says, we're all love birds with broken wings. Only thing her sense of humor came along with every wisdom.

So i sat at work, sneaking few more sentences from the book. Then i started to trace back to moment i got the book. From the man who over tan and got burnt from the sun. These should be all that's in my head. I can't blog properly now.. would. come back. with a good story. I hope.

Picture perfect

A smile is a curve that set things straight