"Give me love. Thrill me. Surprise me. Dazzle me. Delight me. Tease me. Please me. Give me days I'll always remember and nights that I'll never forget. Give me everything I want and nothing I need. Give me you."

"I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you. Don't be afraid. And remember, to love is to live."
-Dawson's Creek-

As i opened the door to its minimun, i knew my direction. To the left. Where lesser chairs lay and away from the crowd. As usual, i'll sit at the furthest back check my cellphone for any sign of distraction then try to switch my mind to church mode. So an old man spoke. He spoke about how miracles can happen and did happen to him. I am then imagining. What if i was him? what if? I imagined living my life to the fullest. I imagined what my sister could learn. No wait, death is too early for me. Anyway my ears tend to work seperately, trying to search for holes, like "that tone.. he's tearing right? wait no.. he's supressing. Maybe not, he seems like a strong man after all he's been through." Right then, i thought, i want to be like him. And he met a Saint in his dream.

Leaving the Holy grounds was like.. How to express something so dangerous... maybe the last time I ever felt safe... I need to go back again.

Last night was also amazing. It was the 4 of us again. Same a Wednesday. Only this time, i weren't working and we were a quarter-filled drunk. We're good together, aren't we? I knew them for a week but it was like we want more 4 of us time. It was nice, dancing the last hour away. Squeezing ourselves to fit into the tied-together chairs and having potato chips+hot chocolate on a rainy 3 am. So i told them about the possibility of my home gate locked. Silver and Gladys said i could stay at their place. Thank you. But i'm stubborn. And being stubborn can be expensive. I realised. Wasted a trip home to prayers unanswered and cab fare to Gladys. I am in pieces. I am. Today was still amazinggg~

I don't know how i'll manage without you guys. I know.. Life goes on...
I love my new musical box. I actually got the lighter pink one but Geri wanted it. Aww well both is pretty anyway. thanks mommy. After watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I am tempted to get a small cute puppy like the one above. Isn't it cute?

-I need seconds to be faster.. no.. slower.. wait, can i be the master of time? slower is when i'm pacing my path.. contrary wise is when i'll see myself up and flying. I mean, i'm just asking, if you could be the quiet solid trees by the sides of the road and watch me start my engine?

This can't be. The Herman is leaving on the 6th, and i would still be in the middle of the Ocean. Time is and forever my enemy. But on the other hand, i knew there's a reason for everything. My planned trip.. the impossible last two and a quarter days with them in Sg. Must be one of those mellow therapy i guess.. quite possibly..

So today i decided to revisit my imaginary memo and state the 5 must bring things on my trip.
-Journal(Since i can't use my laptop)
-Story Book
-Good pen(I tend to write better with nice pens)
-Camera
-Sunglasses, Perfume, earrings

I was reading the book;; Notes from my travel on the way to work last night when i came across a few gathered facts that i would like to share here.

• More than twenty million refugees exist today.
• One-sixth of the world's population lives on less than one dollar per day.
• 1.1 billion people lack access to safe drinking water.
• One-third of the world has no electricity.
• More than 100 million children are out of school.
• One in six children in Africa dies before the age of five.

♥ no matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the world.

I think his craft is incredible. They are actually chinese characters.

I think, in Sg even in a land area of 699 km², there are actually interesting things around if you notice. And especially the subject of original art where it is less appreciatable here. Sad.. Reality needs a switch. Anyway i'll be working for 3 days this week. DblO tml and Pub roving next 2 days. Slightly worried bout the whole idea of it. Most people linger only on the surface of a beautiful book. If you know what i mean. So 2 more weeks to cruise = uncontactable for few days. Its a good/bad thing. Sometimes its just nice to be away for awhile.. yes would be nice.

So came 2p.m today. My mind was in curves and straight lines, contorting a number of familiar silhouettes and then i saw me. Then Faith, Tatum, Soni, Donna, Belle and so on.. There was droplet-shaped dripping out of us. And then there was no space. No space. No personal privacy. Every wrenching emotion poured out to the departure floor and unwillingly shared. That was my 2p.m heart, and just fresh from sleeping.

I’ve spent my whole life compromising and being a good little girl and not doing what I want, or doing what I want and feeling guilty for doing it, and I’m sick of it. Because i'm still in the suppressive state of not doing what i'm most good at. Drawing. I remembered crying. Yes that pain. That only piece of hope in life left that very day. And it left a hole from where inhabited. I tried to fix that hole. I decided to pick a pen instead.. transform everything into strings of letters. And amazingly, i can. But its not the same.

If i hadn't tried so hard to cover that hole.. If i have enough hope to sustain in relationships. I thought about everything i did. But I hurt, anyway. I wish i could heal. I mean, imagine you have a pair of magical hands and you spiraly remove people's internal hurt. Like having tornado in sin city. Did i do that on purpose? Did I secretly enjoy the post-pain of knowing I did horrible things? Can i stop the guilt and yet can i don't? Contradict me. I realised the truth isn't the way out of alice's wonderland. Never is. Sometimes i don't know why truth exist. Its believe.

Hard rock cafe is amazing:)

don't close the book, just turn the page.

I'm trying to put everything on a paper. Like what Dale Carnegie recommanded in his write. And Separate the then and 4.45a.m now. I have quite a number to pen down. But the purpose for this post is to draft my position as the "oldest" child in the family. I'm not. She is. But she'll be coming home in broken pieces and no keys. Its funny how someone that tortureous and deminoring long time ago can be a miserable bag of bones after. I am still, clueless. Because then and now are synonymous.

I, offically declare myself, perfectly okay. Letting the "see where life takes me" quote as my eyes. Yes i do have alot of now to write down. 30 seconds to complete my proposition. A week each to solve the many. I predict. I believe rainbows don't end in a bin. I may be riding along my train of thoughts too much, oblivious to everything else. I named that dreaming, an euphemism. + or - i don't really know. I'll blame whichever on circumstances. And then that is when everything becomes transparent. These days, i subconciously crave for it. Because that 30 seconds would be transformed to like a packet of marshmellows or mm mm a free ticket to Greece!:) So i'm okay. I don't ponder. Sounds cold. But my thoughts are just as empty till i know i have to look at my piece of problem paper. Again.

5.48a.m, i'm leaving the door girl job. Night people..

Remember my post of a few weeks ago.. about a book i was very shocked to see lying on the floor of my sister's room? Well, I am confiding in it now. No wait. More of, for reassurance. For a bed to pause and lie on. Let the stranger perform his masterpiece so that my mind can fly on every word nicely printed page by page like forbidden fruits in a tamed field. I needed something, or someone to carry me. Yes like a baby.

Sitting here, at the dining table trying to add more spice to this entry, which i can't because i know i'll end up complaining about my body which is under maintainance. Even my grandma's supposedly tempting pepper chicken at the top right of the table won't get my taste buds working. I don't like today. Today is not a good day.

Sometimes me think, “What is best friend?”
And then me say, “Best friend is someone
to share last cookie with!” - Cookie monster

And in reality, the last cookie would be the blackest and ugliest piece ever made. But then i would know who'll just disappear like a pricked balloon:)

On a much brighter side...

Like branches of a tree, we grow in different directions
Yet our roots remain as one.
Each of our lives will always be a special part of the others.

You'll always be special in mine.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOLLI

Sick:( but still up and about.

Egg in process
vola! yay i'm so proud of myself.

2.36a.m
Faith: Shit look at his brakes, looks like a huge vibrator. Shit a
Me: FAITH
Faith: So now what do we wake him up?
Me: Yes let's press the honk!
Faith: Are you serious? haha
Me: He'll definitely be straight up
Faith: Shit haha he'll ask where could he be instead of where we want to be
Faith: &ppl in singapore really snore, especially when you have that kind of vibrator beside you.
Me: HAHA
Me: EEK. A FROG.
Faith: Where?
Me:Theeree...
Faith: That's a PACKET Gen.
Me: Well its shiny and black so i thought it was that green monster

.
.
.

.
.

Shhhh.. the taxi uncle sleeping

Here's a closer view

Do you think microwavable macaroni is delicious? -with cheese?:D
What song are you listening to right now? -Jesus Christ that's a pretty face...
Aren't penguins lovely? -Especially when the husband and wife switch roles.
What is your favorite brand of water? -I'll be lying if i said i love evian
Are you happy with the election? -Hope progressing
What if we showered with grape juice instead of water? -With milk i'll love to. Fair skin remedy, i heard.
Do you use flash cards when studying? -Wha's flash cards?
Well, you do study, right? -Few hours ago till Friends came on!
How many vowels are in your last name? -_O_
Do you prefer crayons over colored pencils? -paint
Do you believe in aliens? -yes yes yes. Aliens are like flash cards.
What do you find annoying? -My throat.. now.
Do you judge people by what they wear? -Honestly, no.
Do you underline or highlight important text? -seldom
Is your shoe size bigger than 7? -I've small feet.
Do you carry a calculator with you everywhere you go? -Its an application on my cellphone.
Is the sky made out of cotton candy? -yes. And the rain melts them.
Was this a boring survey? -Quite.. survey isn't a fun thing:)

I'm a little too far on the edge & a little too dreamy to know

I've come to the realization that i can't blog when my blog is too pink. My thoughts will just be pink, too. Maybe that explains why i've been uneasy the last few days because i couldn't blog my mind. I should be at the study table practising communication skills instead of reminising the intersection of the moonlight and the ice crystals. The outcome was amazing. Well everything has been very surreal lately, I actually allowed to myself to rub my brusies hard just to make sure. But on a lighter note, i have been eating excessively , but according to scale, my weight is dead. Not moving. Times like this, i choose not to believe the scale.

Yesterday evening i was having takaway sushi. Alone. At Orchard. Halfway through, i noticed a girl sitting beside me, reading a story book. Alone. So, i'm not the only one with issues. At Orchard. It weren't a bad night afterall. I take that back. It was bad. I don't know why i do such foolish things. I'm starting to think i can handle people's shit but not mine. I am very stupid.

I'm such a terrible person. Its been 1,2,3,4- weeks since i last saw my dad. I was supposed to meet him last sat for cartel but blame yours truly for being wasted. Anyway after coming back from Faith's place, we had a gloomy lazy sunday by the way and i am still deciding if i should take up the retail job at this really amazing japanese shop at far east. The lady boss actually warned me of her. Its like a challenge. A cheap challenge of 5/hr. Should i?

Ps: My current contact no. would be temporary not-in-use because of personal reasons. Sorry:x

Piccheese!

He was too cold from the flower fridge.
I swear u can see air coming out from my mouth
Cant decide which
Putting coupon
I feel like a whale beside him
Favourite baby girl.

1st funny pic.

2nd. I look like a guy.

Pisces Daily Horoscope;
People seem to be a hotbed of hot buttons right now. No matter how hard you try to avoid getting into arguments again today, you are likely to stumble across someone's baggage. If you find someone who is extra touchy, be extra patient, they aren't themselves today. ":x"

I feel as though somebody’s fingers have been placed over my eyes and that the only parts of my surroundings that I can see are through the gaps. Even people, i see in gaps. But this is good, too. Cause you don't want to see everything. You don't want to think too much. And I've realised the only way to have your reputation scrub clean of dirt, is to only give others your strength instead of your past. I am not hurt anyway. I only see the gaps.

I've been having famous amos for breakfast the last few days. Not exactly breakfast. Cause i'll always sleep at 4 then wake at 1. Branch? What's that country where they eat chocolates for breakfast? They had it on travel and living. I think. In about 30mins i'm going to meet Daniel for a ride in his car and then we're going to see frozen plants. I'm starting to like flowers. The arranging. The snip-snapping of the stems. But i'll lose the interest in.. mm.. 2 weeks? Friends know me. I just can't remain committed to one thing. Unless its something i really really can't live without. Which is? dolls. Right. Dolls.

Its like everyday has been a bad day. And i could do something to change it but i didn't. Free an empty plastic bag on a windy day and watch how it'll just follow where the wind takes it. That empty bag, is me. Where i'll navigate to, i didn't care. I needed to be in my own time. But funny how impatient people can get. They don't wait for you. They'll just do what they feel is right. The bag becomes a trash and so its meant to be in the bin. And anyways, you never know what it had been used for so throwing it would be the sensible thing. Yes you call that an influenced perspective cause you're gonna be the 9775429 person who won't reuse that trash. I remembered when i was little i used to scavaged through big bins or public void decks cause thats where unwanted things tend to be. I would always always find something and bring it back home. My dad would start to tease me by calling me rubbish girl. I was obsessed with the "treasures" and my dad would get all irate if i collect too many. But I like knowing that there may be a surprise one day.. in that unwanted catergory.

Its 5.20a.m and i can't sleep. I'm on my new bed. High on top. Pink bedsheets. 3 only stuffed toys i ever allowed to follow me. Can't wait for the canopy to be up. I just hate climbing up and down especially at night cause i have that fear of falling. So i met Belle, we dine at east coast. I ATE, Surprisingly. Greentea was abit disgusting though. We had her fav 3 seconds music from a man on a very very colorful bike and free natural feet exfoliate. Won't go there.

In the mist of being lost, i lost things as well. My make-up bag, victoria body spray.. people. i'm making a fuss on my make-up. Imagine all your make-up gone in one day. It means you can't feel pretty the next few days. Okay i'm getting dizzy. Pictures on helloween are on facebook. Will blog something less boring soon~