Collette

So came 2p.m today. My mind was in curves and straight lines, contorting a number of familiar silhouettes and then i saw me. Then Faith, Tatum, Soni, Donna, Belle and so on.. There was droplet-shaped dripping out of us. And then there was no space. No space. No personal privacy. Every wrenching emotion poured out to the departure floor and unwillingly shared. That was my 2p.m heart, and just fresh from sleeping.

I’ve spent my whole life compromising and being a good little girl and not doing what I want, or doing what I want and feeling guilty for doing it, and I’m sick of it. Because i'm still in the suppressive state of not doing what i'm most good at. Drawing. I remembered crying. Yes that pain. That only piece of hope in life left that very day. And it left a hole from where inhabited. I tried to fix that hole. I decided to pick a pen instead.. transform everything into strings of letters. And amazingly, i can. But its not the same.

If i hadn't tried so hard to cover that hole.. If i have enough hope to sustain in relationships. I thought about everything i did. But I hurt, anyway. I wish i could heal. I mean, imagine you have a pair of magical hands and you spiraly remove people's internal hurt. Like having tornado in sin city. Did i do that on purpose? Did I secretly enjoy the post-pain of knowing I did horrible things? Can i stop the guilt and yet can i don't? Contradict me. I realised the truth isn't the way out of alice's wonderland. Never is. Sometimes i don't know why truth exist. Its believe.

Hard rock cafe is amazing:)