I found these cute faeries/elves around our house today. My mom got them from a friend's shop in Katong Mall. She was not her usual today. But i like love her more this way. She helped me with my dressing up.. its a seldom the mother and daughter season.


So, my new year/christmas ending is a treat from Aunt Thersa to enjoy the angel voices. And I got Santa. For no reason.. it just looks nice. I won't want to eat it either..

Dan: Didn't fancy my sandwiches?
Alice: Don't eat fish.
Dan: Why not?
Alice: Fish piss in the sea.
Dan: So do children.
Alice: Don't eat children either.

Nothing like a coffee in my right hand and walking the adorned streets in Orchard after work. I thought i could revive the Christmas mood but no.. So i chanced upon this Paris Opera Gallery. Exquisite master pieces. I love museums. Don't know why, just felt good in one. I noticed obese was the in thing.. and.. yes.. there's one i'm very in love with, an oil painting of Santorini, Greece. My choice of heaven. I want an art set. I want to paint.. a love story. The kind of love that occurs between two people. The kind of love that grows old together..

Baby it's Christmas

Merry Christmas to all:) xo

Today is just like any other day. Just a little more of a zombie. Just staying close to reality like gravity and our feet. Just, just maybe a lil happier. I could fall asleep at any moment right now. My eyebags are starting to seek more attention then any other parts of my face. I was reading my daily horoscope earlier. It speaks my soul, i believed.. I don't know, sometimes, i could "cursed" them like a sailor. They made me think too much. Yet sometimes, they smoothed a rough edge. On a more personal note. I've seen so much the past few weeks.. So much i picked up and learnt along the way. Like picking those pretty little seashells by the beach and learning their names praying that behind that veneer, there's something as beautiful as it is on the outside. I threw a few away.. the ugly ones.. and.. those that made my fingers hurt. I have this fear. This fear of hurt of picking the wrong seashell again.

I contemplated(can't remember how many times) if i should rid everything on my mind, here. Here. The public space. The place where i'll always lie to tell the truth. Right, blame it on my beautiful flaw. I wrote it. I did. Might delete. See how.

life explaint in a picture

-Varian Loka, In Thailand.

"its crazy how we always end up where we're meant to be. how the most ironic situations eventually will teach you something you never dreamed you were going to learn."

I like it at work. Everyone is really nice. Not that i've not met them before, just that its different now that i'll be spending most of my time with them for the next 1 2 years. And then there's Zen, the manager/sister's ex bf. I knew him for coming 5 yrs? We spoke in the morning. About his reasons for persuading my mother to bring me in. It'll be like milestones to my destination. Like maybe my sister or me could take over the Spa or the pubs too one day. I got excited. For a moment i pictured myself, an independent accomplished woman. How my parents would look at me. Then i got scared. Again, its not what i wanted. Sometimes, life isn't just about what u want. But what you need.

So one of the staffs, Pinky, told me that working there means i've to be aquainted with our corridor regulars. The stray cats. Namely, Bouncer because he "guards" the pub right next to us, then tiger(needless to say why) and Panda, peculiar kitty. The placement of its spots are very messy.. but cute. Tml is another new day.. I need to paint my nails.

Ps: O.P.I has amazing polish.

Cheese.

No..... our faces are apart

Rayne and me.

These, each priced up to more than a hundred singapore dollars.

Luis Marden/Thomas Abercombie

Could they all be perfume bottles?

Found one that is.

Its 2AM, i am on my bed, still with my make up on, as usual, trying to piece words together to describe my loveless december. And i had a flashback. I was in Church and we were each given a pencil and a small piece of paper. We were asked to write, what you want others to remember you as when you die. 30 seconds.. 2 mins.. then 5 mins.. the paper in my hand only showed the folded lines i unconsciously manage to create. 10 mins. I still had nothing good to pen about me. Okay forget about that. I'm counting time now. Cause i'll have a busy long day tml. First day of work.. an assistant to run my mother's spa. This is one of the steps. Yes Jeff, one step at a time. Before i end this entry, here's a quote i found, strange.. but a phallicism of my life.

So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you date the people you thought you never would, and you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times that your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like it's not real. Despite all this, good things will come too. You'll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn't. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met, and just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be the days you are so happy, and the days that you feel like dying. In the end you'll realise, everything happens for a reason.

I've learned i'm incredibly lucky.

don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is
better than silver or gold...
- bob marley

Charred(drunken): Are ur lashes real?
Clutch: Nope its fake
Charred(touching it): I'm really amazed by fake lashes. How bout the bottom ones? fake too?
Clutch: No, They're real.
Creator of Rebound: Ur hair fake too right
Charred: Aw it is?
Clutch(quiet now): yes. Fake.

Monday, December 15
It's a very romantic day but you are not being at your most practical or grounded right now. You are definitely looking at the world through rose coloured glasses, and reading poetry and drinking delicate wines may have more appeal than honestly looking at the facts

There's not much to say to that. I am forever receding to the unreal. Just like a Cheshire cat, i will suddenly leave until the situation is.. fullfilling yours truly.. Apart from my version of never-ending story, i have plans. Plans that requires a lot more savings. I'd say, that i have this intense craving to travel. Like maybe, put myself on a journey to search for the missing pebbles on the pebble pathway i'm standing on. I'm not wanting any. Just to have a taste of out there. Just being sure. Choice is one, right one is another.

I drew this a year ago. Its originally from a japanese artist. I cant remember her name.

So the feng shui man came to our place yesterday. I love spiritual things. Imgaine, an easy way ticket to know your year 2020? So for peace in sleeping, my sister and i had to lie the other way around our current position. Hate this part. Who's to tell me how to sleep. But I also heard from this magic man, My stepdad would go away. For good. Rejoice. This means. So time will prove. I am cold. Yes ice cold.

Dan: Deception is brutal, I'm not pretending otherwise.
Alice: How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?
[Dan is silent]
Alice: Not good enough!

Once upon an indie december

I lost track of time today. I floated high above the world of realism. Then when i got up, the alarm clock says 7.35PM. I was really really hungry besides the biscuits i munched on the half-hour afternoon my feet touched concrete. The biscuit box still hidden beneath my bed:) Then came my mother, dinner's ready. But i was having this inner child temper that i didn't want to leave the room, not even the bed. I wanted to remain in abstract form, where butterlies don't ever stop flying and time does not exist in such a dark place. I am missing them.. The space hurts. They say love hurts. The pain is proof.

It would help if i were abit more attached though. If i knew to always watch for pins and needles on the ground before taking a step. If i knew how to handle my life like the master and his puppets. If the blackest person in my home would brittle to grey right now. So beautiful.. The world play by humans.

Trouble keeping a heart whole.

Love is watching someone die..
So who's gonna watch you die?

I don't know how i'll feel about not having a solid surface to stand on. After my quick 3 days refuge, it looks like in about 11 hours, they're really going. Yes going going. And that's only the "tiny part" of what's gonna happen.

So i slept over Faith's, only after like 4? 5, 6? hours of sleep i decided to quit sinking myself into oblivion. So i spoke to Soni about getting my annoying tonsils remove this week. We thought of going together side-by-side. On the surgery table. Which means i won't be alone. I have this fear of going to the hospital alone. Much more be in it.

Now, about my trip. Me being in a christmas adorned gargantuan ship but more times i hid in the cabin, constantly checking if the temperature really is under heater mode, and i'm asking me.. So now what, 5 yrs of fever-free and now ur here with me on board? And medication-less except for pans which seems to help for about 3 hours after each 4 times i took it? Makes me guilty.. Like, it was supposed to be family bonding time and i hardly see them. So within the 3 hours "recovery", i had my to-do-list things to complete, the drawing i'm trying to finish for Faith, my first game at the Casino(you just sit there and press the same button over and over.. waiting to see every 5 cents decreasing), eat. Yes eat. Buffet(Its free) What happens when solids gets acquainted with swollen tonsils? I realised they only had burning hot water/coffee/tea. My dad had to practise water-tarik to de-heat it, wanted to watch this Las-vegas topless performace(I was very keen) and lastly, Pictures! What's a trip on an amazing ship without taking pictures? I think i did had a good time as well..

Pictures up soon. Till then. xx

They could be better, but they could be worse and I can't look at anything with a purely pessimistic or optimistic point of view. It's that point in life where you just have to forge forward and hope for the best. You keep your fingers crossed in hopes that someday catching that happiness you tried so hard to hold in your grasp. That's the thing about happiness, it is fleeting. Like that firefly you try to capture and no matter how many times you waver, try to clasp it in your hands, but it never wants to be kept. Keep one foot in front of the other and move along, because someday that firefly will find it's way back to you.

Back on fri. With love,

Genevieve

Gerard: If you fall in the mud when're your wearing a white dress, you pick yourself up immediately. You won't want a mud-soaked dress right?

Genevieve: I would wear a brown dress.

Gerard: White dress. Don't dirty it.

Genevieve: Promise, would be white and pure as a White Oleander.

Twenty years from now, you’ll be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover - Mark Twain

I wondered about some people.. A box full of memories that make you cry; Do you burn them to forget your pain? Or keep them to remember how great it all was? I would remember. Even if new happy ones inhabit the never-ending spaces of the box.

"Give me love. Thrill me. Surprise me. Dazzle me. Delight me. Tease me. Please me. Give me days I'll always remember and nights that I'll never forget. Give me everything I want and nothing I need. Give me you."