At the end of it all you can do it stick to your guns and set your anchor.

I like going away. I don't know why but i like going away. It could just be the words of my circus mind or just the pure emotion of a want. But i always wanted to leave. I would just go whereever whenever i can. Relenting. Like the globular seed head of a dandelion, with just a soft blow, those tiny parachutes navigate by the wind. "why would you want to go away when you have people you loved here?" says Dad. I just believe there's somewhere i can be of more meaning.

A few days ago when i was at bikini bar, 6 of us talked about sensitive issues;; sex, the different alcoholic drinks, drugs, diseases. Then came the subject of me. The once bulimic. I never knew it would come to this day where i can talked about it without feeling estranged. I felt victory. I was lucky i did not reach the point of dying. Though till today, i taste the consequences. I remembered how lonely i was. I have friends but i didn't allow anyone to come near. I hated everything. everything. everything. That memory is like a hollow space, somewhere distant yet close. It follows like a tail. I don't think i want to rid it. I want it to always be behind. Behind and i will lead.

Free food free drinks this Sat's beach party. Can't wait~

F1 race audience view

But I knew exactly where I was.
And I knew the meaning of it all.
And I knew the distance to the sun.
And I knew the echo that is love.
And I knew the secrets in your spires.
And I knew the emptiness of youth.
And I knew the solitude of heart.
And I knew the murmurs of the soul.
And the world is drawn into your hands,
And the world is etched upon your heart.
And the world so har to understand
Is the world you can't live without
And I knew the silence of the world.

"And oohh my tongue's the only a muscle in my body that works harder than my heart."

Daddy and i had a loonng talk. One which could make your eyes pour and hands slamming things around you. But before i felt silly and vulnerable, i had a little voice under my ribcage saying "i want to present the world more than a caricature form, just like the few." It was like a death pledge. My father believed in a hopeless world but i was more intransigent than ever. So in a starters effort i researched in alot of things when i got home.

Have you watched freedom writers? i think its one of the best movies derived from a true story. About racism. About history. About how what has happend is just like one of the stars in the sky of many. Realistically. See Daddy, i'm not seeing the world like a bed of roses.

I think i have an anger management problem, or maybe its just my hormones and it always leaves me running off to anywhere from where i am. Right before then i would think/say "leave me". Then i got scared. You know that phrase-you'll only know what is important to you when you lose it. So to nurse my regret, i would check my cellphone about 4 times in every 2 mins and speaking words only God and me would understand.

Anyway tml i would be going to a beach bar to meet Jas, vert and Rayne. Neeedda to get outt.